Breaking Free From PISTANTHROPHOBIA: The FEAR of trusting others.

Though, most of us would ask if this write up is even relevant, but trust me, for a lot of peeps out there, it would mean a lot. Peeps like me. 

PISTANTHROPHOBIA

The fear of trusting others.

Introduction:

1. If trust issues aren’t the number one cause of relationship breakups, it has to be one of the leading causes.

2. In my brief time alive, I’ve noticed that the problems most couples face are usually arguments that can be traced to insecurities masked as trust issues.

3. A lot of times, prematurely entering relationships leads people to bring unresolved problems from previous relationships.

4. This gives our significant others unfair disadvantages; it hinders them from giving us their all because we never give them a chance to do so.

5. The hurt we face and the issues into which we run without allowing for time to heal can spill into subsequent relationships.

6. This spill can turn into a slippery slope that leads downhill into Heartbreakville.

Let's now look at SIGNS you may have Pisanthrophobia issues:

1#: YOU CHECK HIS/HER PHONE

1. Do they know you’re sniffing around in their phone? Do they know you have been figuring out the password on their phone? If not, this is a pretty clear sign you have trust issues. You have Pistanthrophobia.

2. Do you have a password on your phone? Does your significant other know this password? If not, it can be a clear sign that you have trust issues.

3. We all have a tendency to creep on someone we like when they’re texting or checking Facebook. However, going through their phone is completely different.

4. Sure, if they’re not doing anything wrong, they wouldn’t have a reason to not let you look through their phone.

5. However, there’s something called privacy, and everyone is entitled to it. So before anxiously

typing in their password and scanning their texts, think twice.

2#: YOU THINK OF THE WORST-CASE SCENARIOS

1. Another true indication of Pistanthrophobia is the tendency to think of the worst case in every possible scenario.

2. Just because someone missed your phone call doesn’t mean he or she is sneaking around or cheating on you.

3. Maybe the woman’s dress you found was his sister's, or even worse, maybe it was a gift he was planning on wrapping up for you.

4. Are you already assuming they’ve cheated on you and it’s only the first date?

5. They had to stay late at the office and you assume they’re having an affair? Calm down.

6. Unless the signs are clear that they’re doing something unfaithful, you cannot jump to conclusions and assume the worst case scenario.

7. When you enter a relationship with a negative mindset, that’s a clear indicator you have trust issues.

8. When you trust your significant other, it means you give the benefit of a doubt, no matter how inexplicable the situation may be.

9. Every person deserves a chance to explain him or herself before conclusions are made. Only then can action be taken.

3#: YOUR LEASH IS TIGHT

1. Another easy way to check if you have trust issues are the boundaries you consciously or unconsciously give.

2. Is liking another girl’s status acceptable? How about phone calls and texts from the opposite sex or simply having a close friend of the opposite sex at all?

3. A lot of times, when we have trouble trusting someone, we monitor what he or she does and with whom. We get territorial and feel threatened by everyone, when in reality, their eyes are only for us.

4. Trust is about allowing someone free reign with complete faith.

5. Cutting off all of his/her friends who are of the opposite sex won’t do anything but hurt the relationship in the long term. It's time to be Pistanthrophobia-free.

6. Getting jealous of whom she is friendly with is keeping her from shining and being herself.

When you trust, you tend to trust yourself, which breeds healthier relationships.

4#: YOU CHEAT

1. Cheating is also a sign you have Pistanthrophobia or trust issues.

2. Unfortunately, low self-esteem lead to ownership of infidelity, even if you weren't the party who was unfaithful.

3. In reality, cheating is often a direct indication of a perpetrator's lack trust in him or herself & this mistrust can manifest in many ways.

Sometimes, people cheat when a relationship starts getting serious because they don’t trust themselves to handle that type of responsibility. Other times, it’s distrust in the other person.

#5 YOU AND THEM ON SOCIAL MEDIA:

1. You follow & check up on them on social media not because you’re in every picture.

2. You check up to know what they’re doing, who they’re with, and who’s commenting.

3. Of course, if a hot girl/guy is commenting on your boy/girlfriend’s photo, you get a little curious, maybe even jealous.

4. But your need to constantly know what they’re doing both in real and virtual life is a clear sign you don’t trust your partner.

5. You have to understand that you are not in control of their actions and have to be able to trust that they will make the right choices.

HOW TO BREAK FREE:

How to get over pistanthrophobia.

If you’re living with pistanthrophobia, you don’t have to.

Here is how can you help yourself in overcoming your fear of trusting others.

#1. TELL THEM

1. Your partner needs to know. If you’re on your first date, maybe save it for later.

2. But, eventually, if the relationship develops, they should know about your fear of trusting people.

3. Nothing is more shocking than seeing someone creep on your Facebook page obsessively or having an anxiety attack in front of others when you’re talking to someone else.

4. If this person really does care about you, then they’ll be patient and accepting. You guys are a team after all.

#2. TALK TO A COUNSELLOR

1. If you suffer from pistanthrophobia, consider seeking a counselor.

Addictions break in the presence of a 3rd party. That's a law.

2. People have this stigma against going to see a therapist. They think that they’re weak and unable to handle their own issues. That’s not the case.

3. It’s always easier getting an opinion from a third party who knows nothing much about you.

4. Plus, you get to talk to someone who’s unbiased & non judgemental.

5. They’ll be able to delve deeper into your issue and discover the root cause and how you can overcome it.

6. I mean, even therapists go to therapists. As a therapist myself, I have gone to see other therapist so many times because in life, no one has it all.

7. If you are here reading this, why not talk to me as your therapist no matter how messy your case is.

8. As your therapist, I promise you secrecy. I will take your secret with me to the grave. That's a promise to you all tonight. Don't die alone. Talk. Let's help you

9. Are you a homosexual or a lesbian and ashamed to admit it? Talk to me. Your secret is safe with me.

10. Are you having sex with your brother/sister and presently not at peace? Let's talk about it.

Your secret will remain a secret - just between us.

11. No matter what the issues are, let's talk when you are ready. Chat me up. I Love you all.

#3. TALK TO GOD ABOUT IT.

GOD understands you and can sort you out. When you sit down in the presence of his word, meditate on it and daily think on his word, you will find help in your time of need.

Pistanthrophobia is nothing to GOD. He can help you break free.

#4 CHANGE YOUR MINDSET

1. This is a hard one to do, but it’ll be worth it. What happens has happened. You have to let things take their course.

2. If someone is going to cheat on you, they’re going to cheat on you. You cannot control other people’s actions, but you can control yours.

3. The way I handle my fear of trusting someone is to give them complete freedom to do whatever is on their mind.

4. Years ago, a lady I dated did cheat on me, & I figured it out. I simply said to myself, she’s going to do it again anyway. The only thing I can do is to leave and I did.

#4 REMOVE YOUR PARTNER FROM SOCIAL MEDIA

1. You can spend all day on Facebook and Instagram tracking them but the point is, don't.

2. So, if you’re finding it hard to not creep their profiles every day, simply delete them. It's that simple.

3. I didn’t think this would be hard, but trust me it is. You feel you’re not included in their lives; however, this is simply your insecurities and need for control.

4. Delete them off of everything or unfollow them. It’ll take a couple days, but you’ll see how much better you’ll feel without obsessing over them—virtually.

Don’t waste your precious time glued to your phone, creeping your partner’s Instagram. Life is

to be lived!

Though pistanthrophobia adds a lot of 

pressure and strain on a relationship, you can overcome it. And you will!